Ah, is it Springtime in Atlanta, or what? The clouds are hanging low, the temperature is a cool 78 degrees, and the pollen is making everyone blind and yellow. It's also time for baseball! And, it's time for wiffleball! Soon to be heard are the smack of the bat, the smack of the ball, the smack of the bat and the ball on the short-shorted thigh of some unfortunate soul who manages to get in the way of Chad's wrath, and, of course, the sounds of cheers, yells, normally aspirated speaking, beer bottles, cooler lids,... I can go on and on. With all of that in mind, let's jump right in to the 2012 season preview! Here, I will go in to every team (deep, deep inside them) and predict, not their record, nor their chances at winning the Championship, but, yes, their chances at doing anything other than anything related to wiffleball! Here we go!
Nellie's Barbecue Club
Led by Ken Crochet, the honorable John Smoltz Award winner (for you non-Atlantans, that's what we call our "Pitcher Of The Year" Award), the NBC look to revisit the Championship round in 2012. A strong year of pitching behind both Ken and Sam Crochet took them there last year, and the two book-ended the top 5 of the league's best ERAs. One could say they deserve such an honor: Ken is among the best in the league in control, and his WHIP of 1.34 was second-best in the entire league. Perhaps more impressively, he did this while posting the most innings of anyone in the league. Impressively impressive, possibly. Sam held his own on the mound as well, despite some detractors of his fire-balling prowess. It's actually very strange to see his 2.80 ERA put up against his 10.20 walks/game, as it is very counter-intuitive to believe that a pitcher could amass such a number and still be near the top of the league. However, his strike-out ratio was even higher, at 14.60 Ks per game. Again, impressively impressive, probably.
As rosy as things are for the NBC going in to 2012, there are two issues that they may have: the first is that, past Sam, no regular on the club hit over .268. It may not be a problem should the team continue to pitch so dominantly as they have in the past, but it may just be a problem should they begin to lose too many 2-0 games. The second issue is that the entire team that is not a Crochet is brand new to the league. This may end up being a bigger issue than the first - the adjustment period for rookies, in this league anyway, can reach over a very long time frame, and it is hard for a team to be carried by two players. Should these new folk adjust to the league easily, then they will be in the top of the contestants for another Championship birth. And if they do not adjust well enough? Well, my 2012 prediction for the NBC is: the more post-game pork and brisket they eat, the better their record will be.
Pirates
Ah, the old stalwarts. Being the last remaining original team in the league, from the veeeeeery beginning of the first season in 2005, one would figure they would have some rings on their fingers, or even a winning season. Nope. The hard-luck Wiffle Atlanta Pirates have been battling up-hill since, it seems, the very beginning, and have been following in the footsteps of the cursed MLB Pirates. However, there are always glimmers of hope, and heading in to 2012, there have been several changes for the Buccos, and they could lead to very different results over the course of the season.
The very first move was that Jordan Kadrie, the ex-captain of the ship, not only returned to the league as a player in 2011, but he has become ex-ex-Captain of the ship, and has added a couple new mates. The first is a rookie, Ashley Watts, who is expected to be much more energetic than the rest of the lazy Bucs. The second, and probably biggest, move the Pirates made was to snag Grant Yarbrough from the Free Agent market. The Pirates have generally had a good or stand-out player in certain areas, but not in others. For example, Marc Wolf has the highest batting average of anybody in the league, ever. Considering that he lost his left arm in a failed looting of an unnamed United States warship, that is very impressive! As well, Stephen Wolf has won the Maz Award for best fielder multiple times, and last season, Jordan posted the best ERA seen by a Pirates pitcher in a long time. However, these are all small pieces to a giant puzzle that the Pirates have been unable to solve. Their hope is that, with the addition of Grant's legendary pitching and more-than-capable bat and Ashley's speed and energy to Marc's potent bat, Stephen's skill in the field, and Jordan's arm, they can finally make some hay against the teams that have always had bigger boats and more firepower. My prediction for the Pirates' 2012 season is that they all buy talking parrots for their shoulders and that the birds' sailor's mouths end up offending their opponents, ending in infinite forfeit wins.
Rough Riders
The Rough Riders are the exact counter-point to the Pirates: they are new and unproven, and are led by someone with a much cooler last name. Brad Brickhouse returns for his second season, but with a new team that takes the Dodgers' place in the league. In fact, recently de-Commissionered Blaine Milam is still playing with Brad. Okay, so when I said "new and unproven," I was referring more to the rookies on the big team. When I say that this team will be a big team, I mean they will be big. Like, not a single rookie of the four on the team is under 6'2" in height. If they will be anything, they will be downright intimidating to anyone who is intimidated by tall humans.
As far as their performance goes, though, being big doesn't mean much, especially in the realm of wiffleball. Brad proved himself to be one of the most well-rounded players in his rookie season, hitting .307 and pitching to a finishing ERA of 3.52. That was good enough to land him the Rookie of the Year honors. Blaine had a down year last season, hitting only 4 homers the entire season, and posting an abnormal-for-him 3.77 ERA, so one wonders if these two will be able to carry the team if needed. If Brad continues to improve and Blaine bounces back from a so-so season, they can very well be a very good team. If that all goes to shit and the rookies turn out to be big roadblocks more, well, I predict that, in 2012, the Rough Riders will live up to their name and have very red and raw taints from how badly their horses carry them.
Swamp Donkeys
The Donkeys are a perpetually swampy team. From their sweaty uniforms to their swamp babies to Chad's swampy green shoes, they are the epitome of the word swamp.
Okay, not really. That doesn't really make sense, actually... Alright. Anyway. So, in 2012, the Donkeys are looking pretty much the exact same as they looked in 2011. Chad Alexander still holds down the reigns on the mule, albeit as gingerly as possible considering that at this point he can break his ankle while clapping politely. I would actually venture to say that as Chad goes, the Donkeys go: in the past couple of injury-laden seasons for him, the Donkeys have had to rely on Josh Suhl's pitching to get them anywhere. And it was good pitching, as Josh posted the third-best ERA in all the league last season. His numbers actually strike me as similar to another, long-lost Donkey of yesteryear's numbers. Hm. One thing that may help the team deal with Chad's inherent breakability is that they picked up a pitcher from the free agent market, and is all new to the league. Perhaps with a couple more arms and Chad's health staying intact, the Donkeys can experience the glory they once had honor to have. But, it seems to me that no matter how much looking in to the Donkeys we do, we can never really get to the core of the matter, because the Donkeys are consistently the most fun and most-attended team in the league. So, I predict that in 2012 Chad will break both of his legs in consecutive weeks, but still manage to hit 20 home runs and lead the Donkeys to the 2012 championship. With two broken legs.
Tucker Power Company
The Champs return to try and dominate the league once again, bringing back all the same Fosters and Smiths that you could possibly be used to. Last season, Kevin Smith and Brian duked it out for the bragging rights of being called the best hitter in the league. Well, Kevin beat out the old-timer and took home the prize. However, Kevin was not the only person deserving recognition at the plate: four of the TPC's regulars hit over .280, which is quite the feat. Even more impressive is how freaking slow Johnny Smith's pitches look when they're coming at you, and you still can't touch it no matter what. As a matter of fact, Johnny and Ken battled it out for the right to be called the best pitcher in the league... and TPC didn't get that one, but oh well. You can't have everything, guys. Also, Kevin and Stephen battled for the right to be called the best fielder in the league, and... yeah, lost that too. I'd say the Championship trophy is good enough, guys. Just move on already!
Anyway, TPC is going to be the most feared team in the league (if wiffleball teams can be scary) for 2012, and it is likely that they are the favorites by the rest of the wiffle world to take the championship again. With the solid offense, Johnny's prolific pitching, and Kevin's quite unbelievable magic tricks in the field (seriously, it doesn't really seem fair, sometimes), they are a handful to deal with, any way you look at it. But, in 2012, they're just gonna get too drunk at the field all the time and forget how to play well.
Wiffle House
If there were to be a team that is consistently and vivaciously annoying to place against in Wiffle Atlanta, it would have to be Wiffle House. That is because Brian Donegan is probably the best hitter the league's ever had, and he doesn't ever really stop running the bases when he hits the ball. Now, the team's not nearly as annoying since Josh Lowell left the league, but the 4 or 5 players that took his place probably can match up pretty well. Both Brian and rookie Jeremy Johns hit very, very well last season, and Matt Hobbs kept up decently, himself. The team is very obviously built on its hitting prowess. Brian and Jeremy both posted similar ERAs and strikeouts-per-game stats, but it becomes obvious why their pitching could have been a problem when you glance at their walks-per-game averages and realize that they don't dip below 7. That didn't matter that much in the big picture though, because when you can hit over .400 and lead/almost lead the league in many significant statistical categories, you can throw a few Eephus pitches and still end up third in the league at the end of the season.
Now, let me clarify: when I say Wiffle House is annoying, it is only when they are not striking out. When they strike out, they are the most gracious, likable dudes in the league. Case in point: one time last season, Brian actually serenaded Blaine after striking out. No, he did not sing dirty words, but he actually asked him on a date or something. I'm not sure exactly, my memory's a little fuzzy. Actually, I'm not sure that it actually happened at all. I think it would be really funny. Anyway, my 2012 prediction for Wiffle House is that Brian will serenade Blaine after striking out in their first meeting of the season.
So, there you have it! 2012 in a nut shell. I would also like to welcome the two new teams to the fray, but of course I can't write anything about them yet, because they're as fresh as a newborn to the league. Anyway, see everyone on the field! Or the internet. Or the bar. Or, gosh, somewhere, I'm sure. Not sure where though...
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